$5500

So ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer has had to resign for diddling with hookers. Hey, we all like a little diddling, it's just that most of us aren't governor of a state or possibly spending other people's money on call girls. Some of us have the good sense to either get married, thus ensuring a relatively steady supply of nookie, or at the very least hook up with some guy/gal who works part-time at the Video Shack and thus "owes" us for rent.

Still, if a man wants to drop a little coin on some snatch, who am I to protest? Free country and all. Well, free if you don't count the $5500 an hour part.

It begs the question: What exactly does one get for $5500? An hour!

It can't possibly be something new. Anyone familiar with the internet must know by now that, whatever you like sexually, you ain't the first to like it, get it, sell it, steal it, film it nor write about it. It can be illegal, disgusting, painful, messy, patently immoral or bizarre in any number of ways, and it has still been around since civilzation arose and advanced humans first learned boredom. We can thank Ancient Rome for inventing most of the delightful perversions many of us enjoy (with the exception of that Grecian pass-time).

It can't possibly be because the ladies in question were that superior aesthetically to the average woman. Oh, I'm sure they are beautiful, but you can find a pretty girl nearly anywhere, even the Video Shack. And it can't be that they have vastly superior skills either. Plumbing is plumbing. There are only a few ways to join Tab A and Slot A, B or C.

So I think it must not be a question of what you get. It must just be, like so many things, "because it's there." Women have vaginas--and other orifices--and men like to stick things in them. Wealthy men simply have money to spend on it, and certain women are willing to set a steep price. It isn't that it's different. It's just that it exists.

And it all goes to prove that women, no matter how mercenary some may think us, are smarter than men. When I think $5500, I think of paying off my car or...Oh, God, yes!...a 60-inch plasma HDTV. I just know damn well I'd never drop $5500 on a spitzer.