Mean

I've never been one for being mean. Not on purpose anyway. I realize and accept that I have, at times, been indifferent or thoughtless or inconsiderate. Usually I feel a guilt for this forever, once it is recognized or pointed out to me. But in all honesty, I can truly say I have never been intentionally mean to a person, unprovoked.

I had a friend in high school who was mean. She was the closest female friend I have ever had, and we were friends for years, but once in a while it comes back in my mind how she was mean when we were in school. There was a girl in our class who was in the "special education" classes. Your school might have called this the "learning disabled" or "special needs" classes, but basically it meant the girl was retarded. This girl was particularly obsessed with money and counting it, and to be mean to her, sometimes kids would toss pennies down the hallway. This girl would stop everything when she heard the sound of pennies on the floor, and she would dive for them and gather them up. Once she was on the floor, kids would continue tossing pennies and then just leave her there. Long after the bell, she would still be on her knees on the floor, gathering pennies.

Usually I would tell the other kids to stop it and usually they would. Once one "normal" kid vetoes your behavior it is usually enough to make you straighten up. Sometimes it wasn't enough and I would find myself on the floor helping the retarded girl pick up her pennies. She never was upset. She didn't realize it was a prank. That was good, because then I didn't have to explain that my friend was only joking and wasn't really a mean bitch. She was, though.

In my life I have come to realize that people don't usually change. Whatever you are, that's what you are. If you throw pennies at retarded girls, that's what you do and it is what you will do all your life. I'm not friends with my friend anymore. Things happened that ended our relationship. Whenever I feel bad about that, I remember how she threw pennies at a retarded girl, and I don't feel so badly anymore.