Behold!

I love how people use the language, so in spite of the irritation that is spam email, I actually look forward to the penis enlargement variety.

They didn't used to be this good, but the latest ones that appear in my inbox are very clearly written by people who are not native English speakers. They use the most delightful mix of slang and grandiose verbiage. And for those inclined to obsess over such issues, these short emails are probably very effective. In a few lines they convey a sense of urgency, imply you've been looking for this information all your life, and that at last, by some miracle, now the solution is here. I couldn't make these up if I tried.

Give your girl the surprise you've been planning! Add inches to your penis with the latest cure. Go instantaneously to [insert website name here] and take a look at the groovy therapeutics at hand!

Increase your rocket with loads of inches utilizing the finest treatment! Pursue with haste to [insert website name here] and observe the meritorious cures available.

Don't be shy about your size. Add inches to your willy with this new remedy. Go without hesitation to [insert website name here] and behold the most magnificent therapy now within reach!

I hope nobody really buys this stuff, but I'm sure that millions do. It does no good that the Mayo Clinic, among other sources, assures men that the "average" penis size is 5 to 7 inches. It also does no good to tell men that these "meritorious cures" don't really work either. If they did, you'd find out on the front page of the New York Times, not the spam folder on your email account, and insurance companies would rush to cover it while still denying claims for birth control pills.

It will always be a matter of obsession I fear. But as long as it is an obsession I'll continue to receive these delightful spam emails. They're good for a giggle every day.