Classic Example of a Woman Bitching About Something Stupid

A friend pointed out this article about some woman in an airport complaining about the security check. In case you don't want to read it, I'll sum up: A large breasted woman set off the metal detector with her underwire bra. She protested the "pat-down," saying that it was "humiliating," even though they offered to do it in a private area away from other airport patrons. Her solution for this dilemma was to remove her bra completely and pass through the metal detector again. Airport security agreed, and there ya go.

See, there's where I get hung up. To be patted by a female security guard is more humiliating than prancing through the airport, tits-a-swinging? It's more humiliating than going to the newspaper with a story that draws attention, not only to your enormous boobies but also to the fact that you are a whining about something stupid?

You think I have no empathy? Oh, but I do!

I have had limited opportunities to travel by plane. In fact, the first time I did it was a mere three years ago. Due to a job in which I had to travel occasionally, I made a total of five trips by plane over three years. That's 10 flights (not counting connecting flights), and in 10 flights I had to go through the big security check six times. By that, I mean I had to go through not just the metal detector and bag x-ray that everyone does, but also the deal where they make you empty everything from your purse and carry-on bag, and then they swab it all down for chemical residue and all that. And yes! On one rare occasion when I didn't have the big security check, I set off the alarm with my underwire bra. How did I ever cope? I just raised my arms, let the lady pat me down, and went on about my business. Believe me, the traveling world is well aware of the fact that women have breasts. If crazy lady had just submitted to the pat-down, she would have been in and out of security in 30 seconds instead of 40 minutes, and she wouldn't have missed her flight.

Is the security process a bit heavy-handed? Probably. But it is what it is. Believe me, the bag search is far more intrusive than a pat-down. That's when all your oddities can be revealed. The inside purse pocked with the condoms and peppermints. The deck of tarot cards. Your child's Transformer head. Who cares? I figure they've seen worse than what I have. In fact, I take a certain amount of pleasure in the idea that some poor baggage handler has been able to fill out her Checked Baggage Search Bingo card upon discovering the elusive vibrator-and-teddy-bear combo in my suitcase, and won the betting pool for the day. Good for her.

If you don't like it, feel free to drive your ass across the country next time. Or don't wear the underwire.