Scary Fun

I was watching the remake of Dawn of the Dead again last night, and loving every second of it. I realize the zombie flick purists don't care for the remakes (and trust me, the remake of Day of the Dead is a steaming pile of feces), but I liked this one. The first time I watched it realized it was because these zombies can haul ass. They don't just wait for you to make an error in strategy and accidentally find yourself surrounded by slow and lumbering living dead; they will run you down to eat your brains. Fun stuff!

Don't get me wrong. I understand the symbolism of the slow and lumbering living dead. It suggests inescapable mortality and also the slow-but-steady decay of civilization. While I appreciate these things, that isn't why I go to a scary movie. I go to be scared. I want to be creeped out and go to bed with the lights on. I want to be afraid to walk out on the porch at night (just for a day or two). I want those feelings without having to put a lot of thought into it because a good scare makes you aware of your mortality in the best way: by taking you to the edge of it. If a movie is good enough to really put you in the moment, you will feel it. Nothing makes you feel more alive than being pushed to the edge of death. Anyone who has crawled out of a totalled car can tell you that.

And I confess the scary movie appeals to the more prurient interests as well. What is a vampire's bite if not illicit penetration with exchange of body fluid? It's bloody porno that keeps it PG-13 while still satisfying the carnal desire. At the heart of it, a good horror film should make girls squeal and jump and clutch their boyfriend's leg tightly while keeping the adrenaline pumping at a high enough rate that she will put out later. Smart boys have been taking girls to scary movies since they were invented.