Scrapper

My son got into a fight at school this week. It isn't the first time. He has a quick temper, which frequently results in a minor shoving match or exchange of fierce words like, "you're stupid!" and the like. Although Scooter is a very good boy not to swear like his mother does, he reports that a couple other boys at school have called people "fuckers" and "fags." I remember when I was his age that calling someone an S.O.B.--and I mean just using the letters--was extreme.

Anyhow, my husband and I have been of two minds regarding fighting. I have said never to do it, under nearly any circumstance, because you will only get into trouble. My husband says, "get in the first lick if you know its coming and don't worry about the consequences." While I can see the benefit of this when it comes to winning a brawl, this still does not prevent the trip to the office that may result in far worse than mere name calling.

But it appears that this time, at least, I was wrong. Oh, he still got a paddling, but the punch was generally regarded by classmates (and even one anonymous teacher) as well done. Basically, I'm told, the kid was a bully who had it comin'. So while the raw and gritty me says, "Right on!" I'm still concerned that he will see the endorsement and praise of his friends as a license to scrap.

Boys fight. It's in the nature. I feel confident saying that any man who has gone his whole life without getting into a physical altercation is probably rare. And we females will often encourage it by liking the scrapper. A guy who fights is tough and strong and "don't take no shit," and all those other things that tap into the animal instinct we use when seeking good mates. But truthfully, anyone who has ever seen two grown men really go toe-to-toe knows that fighting isn't pretty or glamorous. It's unpleasant and scary. And if they really mean it, somebody is gonna get hurt.

I reckon I'm just buying trouble. The fact he's been in a couple shoving matches and thrown a punch does not mean that Scooter is destined to be a brawler who has to be bailed out of jail by his buddies on a regular basis. And I suppose a willingness to put it on the line is better than going through life scared and intimidated. It's a fine line with boys. Moms just have to figure it out as we go along.