The Trouble With Women, Part 2

I have the good fortune to teach a substance abuse curriculum called Too Good for Drugs. Instead of beating kids over the head with anti-drug messages and a lot of "just say no," the program teaches life skills like goal-setting, stress management and choosing good relationships. One of the best lessons is on being assertive. Most kids are not assertive; they're aggressive or passive, which is the extreme on either side. I find that most women never seem to get out of that habit even after they have reached adulthood.

I have always been passive. The result of that, if you've read previously, is a simmering resentment. Primarily, though, I can't be angry with anyone but myself. I am learning to assert my will and stand up for my needs. That sounds like not a good thing for the husband and son in my life, or my friends or strangers in general, but it really is good for them too. When I reach a feeling of being heard and being respected I can return those same favors without any of the resentment that is so often apparent. It isn't easy to get there though.

A lot of women are like me, but the rest tend to be aggressive. They'd like to think they are assertive and merely emulating the confident qualities we find so attractive in men, but I have rarely met a woman who actually pulls it off successfully. Instead, they adopt the Bitch persona. It's a false facade. It isn't assertive. It's insecure. And do you know what embracing the Bitch personal makes you? It doesn't make you clever or assertive or strong. It makes you a Bitch.

So what can we do? Somewhere in the middle is the right spot, but how do you get there and maintain it? And why does it seem so easy for men? The same men, I might add, who can't match a pair of socks or remember a three-item grocery list to save their lives.