WANTED: SEC Coaches

Houston Nutt is gone from Arkansas at the end of the season. Speculation is that Les Miles will go to Michigan, Phil Fulmer will leave coaching and go into some administrative position and Tommy Tubberville will leave my Auburn Tigers and go to Texas A&M. In case you can't count, that leaves a whopping four head coaching positions open in SEC football. That's a full one third of the conference.

So please, review your resumes and put in your applications now. We will pay you well, thanks to Bama's breaking of the bank for Nick Saban. Just make sure you remember to pack your cup. We like instant gratification in the SEC, so if you can't beat your arch rival in the first year or contend for the SEC Championship in your second year or vie for the BCS National Championship in your third year, you're gonna take it in the nuts.

But if you desire to be worshiped as a god on earth, come coach in the SEC. We will worship you. Membership at your church will increase just so people can say they go to church with you. Your wife's pet charity will suddenly get a flood of donations. You'll be offered endorsement contracts by everyone from Ford Motor Company to Ford's Feed & Tack. Hamburgers and barbecue platters will bear your name. Children will be named for you. Just win.

And win in a hurry. And win big. No pressure.